Frenemies

Friends are people with whom you share personal affection or high regard. I guess lately I’ve hit the update button in my life and a lot of old definitions are being rewritten. The old definitions were ok but they left a few questions unanswered.

1. If you rarely talk to someone (maybe once or twice a year) can you really call them a friend?

2. If you put your neck out for a friend, do they need to repay the favor?

3. Can you have sex with a friend without losing them?

4. If you don’t agree with the way a friend is living their life, is it ok to say something? Should you still be friends with them if they choose not to change?

5. If they hurt you in the past, should you accept their apology?

Lately the questions have been piling up. My old way of thinking? I’d run away. I would do nothing until my friend tried to say something about it. I like to react. When you act first there are a million possible answers; but when you react, there are usually only one or two possibilities. I would choose whichever broke my heart less.

Nowadays I’m doing things a bit differently. I still run away but when I come back I’ve usually got something to say. Things are not okay! I had to move twice because of you! You fucked me over! I’m not mad we didn’t hook up, I’m mad you were such a terrible friend! You don’t want it to be weird? Then why did you wait 6 months before you decided to not be a passive aggressive bitch?! NO! ITS NOT OKAY! I didn’t need a phone call. I don’t want a visit. You say you’re coming back and you’re seeing somebody new and we’re gonna see each other and you don’t want it to be weird? Stay 2000 miles away and it won’t be weird. You didn’t give us a second thought when you left and now it’s the dolled up, fake, pretentious Arizonans that you miss? Go fuck yourself. I hope I never see you again, our time apart has apparently only served to make you think I’m a fool… Worry not, it won’t be weird. If I’m out at a bar with 5 friends and a $200 tab when you walk through the door, worry not. I won’t be there for long. If I am unable to schedule time with mutual acquaintances separate from you, then I will simply not know those people anymore.

Of course, not everyone who gets my teeth deserves them. I have dismissed friends, girl friends, family members, and even myself as a threat at one point or another. The ones who last are the ones who have patience with me. It’s fair. I only ask as much patience from people as they demand from me. People should treat others the way they want to be treated right? Yet there are people who treat others like garbage and only karma is given the privilege of cutting these people down to size. Maybe it could work in reverse? Should we not treat people the way they treat us?

Do you know what a firewall is? In a car it goes between the engine and the passengers. Everything under the hood is sacrificed to protect what’s really important; same with crumple zones. In a restaurant, it goes between the kitchen and the dining room. On your computer: between your harddrive and the internet. Like crumple zones, and those blocks of metal they clamp to boat engines, and those plants that distract bugs from crops. Parts designed to fail. Designated weaknesses.