Friends are people with whom you share personal affection or
high regard. I guess lately I’ve hit the update button in my life and a lot
of old definitions are being rewritten. The old definitions were ok but they
left a few questions unanswered.
1. If you rarely talk to someone (maybe once or twice a
year) can you really call them a friend?
2. If you put your neck out for a friend, do they need to
repay the favor?
3. Can you have sex with a friend without losing them?
4. If you don’t agree with the way a friend is living their
life, is it ok to say something? Should you still be friends with them if they
choose not to change?
5. If they hurt you in the past, should you accept their
apology?
Lately the questions have been piling up. My old way of
thinking? I’d run away. I would do nothing until my friend tried to say
something about it. I like to react. When you act first there are a million
possible answers; but when you react, there are usually only one or two
possibilities. I would choose whichever broke my heart less.
Nowadays I’m doing things a bit differently. I still run
away but when I come back I’ve usually got something to say. Things are not
okay! I had to move twice because of you! You fucked me over! I’m not mad we didn’t
hook up, I’m mad you were such a terrible friend! You don’t want it to be
weird? Then why did you wait 6 months before you decided to not be a passive
aggressive bitch?! NO! ITS NOT OKAY! I didn’t need a phone call. I don’t want a
visit. You say you’re coming back and you’re seeing somebody new and we’re
gonna see each other and you don’t want it to be weird? Stay 2000 miles away
and it won’t be weird. You didn’t give us a second thought when you left and
now it’s the dolled up, fake, pretentious Arizonans that you miss? Go fuck
yourself. I hope I never see you again, our time apart has apparently only
served to make you think I’m a fool… Worry not, it won’t be weird. If I’m out
at a bar with 5 friends and a $200 tab when you walk through the door, worry
not. I won’t be there for long. If I am unable to schedule time with mutual
acquaintances separate from you, then I will simply not know those people
anymore.
Of course, not everyone who gets my teeth deserves them. I
have dismissed friends, girl friends, family members, and even myself as a
threat at one point or another. The ones who last are the ones who have
patience with me. It’s fair. I only ask as much patience from people as they
demand from me. People should treat others the way they want to be treated
right? Yet there are people who treat others like garbage and only karma is
given the privilege of cutting these people down to size. Maybe it could work
in reverse? Should we not treat people the way they treat us?
Do you know what a firewall is? In a car it goes between the
engine and the passengers. Everything under the hood is sacrificed to protect
what’s really important; same with crumple zones. In a restaurant, it goes between the kitchen and the
dining room. On your computer: between your harddrive and the internet. Like
crumple zones, and those blocks of metal they clamp to boat engines, and those
plants that distract bugs from crops. Parts designed to fail. Designated
weaknesses.
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